Sink or Swim

“My feelings are too loud for words and too shy for the world.” – Dejan Stojanovic

I can articulate my feelings in fragments—heavy like bricks that hurt to share but
terse enough to be temporary.
—it is difficult to articulate why I feel the need to explain myself to people.
In any given day, I feel that at least half of the interactions I had were misinterpreted.
I both love and despise being “different.”
I have always had a strong sense of who I am and what I believe in, and
I am genuinely shocked that this is never correctly conveyed to other people.
I’ve learned I have to be somewhat of a showman when I’m around others, or
they’ll think I’m disinterested, boring, rude, passive, or slow.

Being quiet means that you’re never truly recognized as anything great.

Not speaking up in a discussion, having the straightest posture, or laughing obnoxiously at jokes
doesn’t mean someone is unconfident or dull.
I have a meltdown in my mind a minimum of three times a day.
Sometimes I feel like an alien.
Even as a showman, I can’t pretend to enjoy the same things or think the same things as other people.
An inability to pretend leads to misunderstanding and being ostracized.
Being ostracized makes you question who you are and why you were born that way.
Being misunderstood gives you the Walking Diary complex.
Being unique, ostracized, misunderstood, and having a complex leads to severe emotional stress.
Severe emotional stress continues to destroy the potential relationships you could have built—
Those if’s lurk like storm clouds and penetrate like lightning.
Sometimes it’s easier to avoid the storm by just moving to another place,
Pretending to be someone else,
Knowing that you’ll always be the one to love yourself for who you are.


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